.Public Authenticity Fluid Thinker Flux Solid Thinker Flux

30 traits of truly loved people that need no charity love and 30 traits that make you unloved

Charity-love is the kind of love you need to beg for and guilt people to give you

This post is trying to give you (Fluid Thinkers) the idea what kind of traits TRULY make people fall in love with you…

  1. Honesty with oneself. A healthy ego.
  2. The ability to truly “see” and understand the other person.
  3. A person who is able to allow another person to be themselves near them, gets a lot of love in return.
  4. A person who allows others to express themselves sexually is a well-loved partner.
  5. A person who is in contact with one’s emotions and the emotions of others.
  6. A person who is emotionally self-reliant; they are safer to fall in love with because the relationship isn’t instant and the other isn’t dependent on the relationship to last. (People who NEED a relationship of ANY KIND tend to be relationship repellent.)
  7. Carefree, happy people, who are fun to be around.
  8. People who are generous first; generous with their emotions, their help, their time, their compliments…
  9. People who keep themselves in check and who make a good effort in making sure they don’t cause harm to others.
  10. Contemplative people, who know themselves and are therefore able to relate to others.
  11. People with as few internal emotional conflicts as possible.
  12. People who do not take it for granted that they are loved by everybody. (Realistic self image and respect of others.)
  13. People who make less of a fuss about themselves than what others make about them.
  14. People who are more reserved than pushy (chasy) it is sad, but they get more love as the people who are in love with them get to take their own pace into developing the relationship.)
  15. Also people who are completely open and express themselves loudly and proudly – as long as their self-image is realistic and they are not exaggerating their own virtues, but are simply happy being who they are.
  16. Shy people tend to be lovable to others, because they are not threatening to a lot of people.
  17. Self-confident people get love, because they are easy to be around by other self-confident people, who feel they are with their equal. People like these get others to cling onto them a lot (like the last straw) and it is tiring. When they meet other self-confident and emotionally self-reliant people, they can relax and simply enjoy each other’s company.
  18. People who allow themselves to be left without it meaning they feel like complete failures; these people know that relationships are about compatibility as people, not a competition of who gets a boyfriend or a girlfriend and manages to hang on for the longest time.
  19. People who take the time to nurture the relationship, aka. who know how much their attention means to others.
  20. Winners, quite honestly. People who have “their own thing” going, and are really good at it (their work isn’t going to waste).
  21. People with a refreshing point of view on anything. Unusual people are always more interesting than ordinary people.
  22. Being interesting (this is something that you can actually fake a little with good results) is much more efficient in gaining love than being “the right kind” as in completely predictable is.
  23. People with an eye for a detail. When someone helps you see another point of view, people gravitate towards it – why have the same conversations with the same observations over and over, when you can be around someone who is constantly expanding your mind?
  24. Clever people are much loved, the kinds who get away with things that others don’t. Mischevous people.
  25. People who say the darnest things – who say all the things you’re not supposed to say in a witty way.
  26. People who are attentive to others and their wounds (even secondarily; people love people who take care of others, even if they didn’t need help themselves, they admire those who help others.)
  27. Bold people, who stand up for others and defend the weak are seen as brave, trustworthy, and lovable people.
  28. This is not accurate accross the board, but about 50% of people love you for loving your family and wanting a family of your own – the other 50% find this a bit of a turn off and love you for the opposite; being independent and having no definite plans on having children (keeping their options open).
  29. Being flirty; making the other person feel sexually wanted without being threatening about it.
  30. SHAMELESSNESS is the real #1 on this list. Being shameless about who you are, what you want, how you do things etc, it is the best way to gain masses of fans – and the absolute hardest thing to do, because to be like that, you will… well, have to be completely fine with who you are (or, alternatively, to be completely unaware of one’s own flaws).

Why status, wealth, fame, work etc do not gain you real love is that people who want these things don’t want YOU, they want what you have, and they want to abuse your success, your hard work, and your status to get themselves forward. That, obviously, is nothing anyone wants, because once the wealth and status is gone, these people are gone, too. Now, THAT IS NOT TO SAY, obviously, that having wealth and all that will make you unloved let alone unlovable, but it simply is to say that people like this are a target for fake love and they are most often painfully aware of it, too.

Traits that make people dislike you:

  1. Instant need to create a permanent relationship; hanging onto straws of attention and affection like the drowining. (Nobody wants that for themselves when the options are wide open for them.)
  2. Not listening to others, ignoring what the other is saying, editing what they say so it sounds better to your ear.
  3. Being CONSTANTLY looking for the right one, “the next love of one’s life”, obsessively trying to fit even the most unlikely candidates into the shoes of The One, and planning one’s wedding before there’s been the first date!
  4. Over-blowing everything in one’s life and relationships, how EVERYTHING is AWESOME in their lives. You know they’re either making things up or completely delusional, or one of those people who’ve been to one too many Tony Robbins seminar mostly missing their point, too.
  5. The calendar-based dater. “Oh  my god I haven’t set a date for this week for Wednesday, I’ve got a date on Friday, and Saturday, but NOBODY on Wednesday… OMG what am I going to do, I’ll never get married!”
  6. Turning up on the date with a question sheet. (Seriously.)
  7. Being so determind to get married before 30 (for women) that they forget that this is about A RELATIONSHIP; something between them and the person, a joyful union, rather than a race to beat your friends in.
  8. Using sex as a bargaining tool for a relationship: “Not until you’ve told me you love me” “Not until we’re at least engaged” “not until you’ve met my mother!” (Guys, run, this maybe common but not normal nor anything you should find acceptable!)
  9. Being completely fidgity about the contraceptives because she’s 100% against abortion but at the same time can’t get her contraception right.
  10. Being OH SO HEARTBROKEN after every boyfriend or girlfriend dump them, that the rumors start to go around to avoid that one…
  11. Being theatretically hearbroken about previous relationships on the first date with the assumption that their date would want to do better than the previous ones; I guess the idea is to lower the bar real low so the date would feel confident they can do better than the previous guy/girl.
  12. Having some rule book, the Bible or Women are from Venus, or my theories that they base all their decisions on, insisting that because this book says *so* we have to do *so* or it isn’t a real relationship.
  13. Having no standards, no particular goals, having the attitude that “oh I just have to get married, I guess, to someone, I don’t really care, I’m not fussed, I’m… yeah, whatever, so do you want to get married or… have sex? I mean, I’m not doing anything special…”
  14. Being blind drunk is a terrible look, and too often women think this is charming or sexy to men. (They are just as repulsed by blind drunk girls as women are – unless they are too blind drunk themselves to notice, of course, whatever cooks your crumpet.)
  15. Being so effin’ spiritual about everything, that there is room for nothing human in one’s life anymore… Like it’s all crystals, burning incence, deviation, the law of attraction, spiritual laws, spiritual goals etc. etc. (Twin Flames beware, there is virtually NO MEN who want you to choose crystals over sinful sex… And those who do… oh well. Good luck.)
  16. Being totally negative about marriage or relationships, being convinced it won’t work. (If you had a terrible experience with your parents splitting, just… Realize that it was them, not you… And you be smarter, yeah? You do your home work. Don’t get into stupid relationships that are doomed to fail from the start… Read my blog.)
  17. Flaunting money and possessions to your date, thinking that will make them love you. If this works, they simply want your money regardless of whose pockets it’s coming from. (Also this approach invites cheaters, too, because if you don’t notice they don’t love you really, you are unlikely to notice if they cheat on you, either.)
  18. Being indecisive about one’s emotions. (Getting stuck in the evaluation of “whether I want you or not” particularly if the other one truly does want you! Even Solid Thinkers need to take this on board!)
  19. Being afraid of being in a relationship, looking like you are in constant need to call your mom or your friend for emotional support and you wish someone would accompany you for a date. (Not behavior of a grown up who is ready for an adult relationship!)
  20. Apart from openly polygynous women; being more interested in your girlfriends than your prospective husband. The same is true the other way around, but perhaps sligtly less common.
  21. Forgetting to call your partner and forgetting they exist, or giving the false impression you might not remember you’re seeing them… (Understandably makes them feel like the trash you forgot to take out…)
  22. Being constantly over-upset about something insignificant that requires your partner to give you special attention to. Common in women, the idea of giving the man something to feel powerful over… Nah. Doesn’t work for grown men, at least. Teen boys might be delighted.
  23. Constant pressuring the other into marriage. (What? Is there something I should know about you? Need a green card? Pregnant with someone else’s kid? Are you afraid I’ll find out who you REALLY are and want me to marry before my eyes open? And a whole host of other off-putting thoughts, particularly “I realize you are so boring you have to force someone into marrying you!”)
  24. Constant requests for feedback (extreme insecurity): “Am I doing this right for you?” “Am I OK?” “Is my cock big enough for you?” “I didn’t do this right, did I?” (Some True Spirit Mirrors can be a bit like that when they are ironing out some crazy details nobody else pays attention to, but this is, generally speaking, a big no-no!)
  25. Counting days like you’re going for your personal best in a relationship: “Oooo woow, we’be been together for X days, we have to have an anniversary soon” just so you can squeeze in as many anniversaries as you can possibly muster before the inevitable breakup.
  26. Worrying about the inevitable breakup ALL THE TIME, like “OMG you’re going to break up with me, aren’t you?” This is one of those self-fulfilling prophesies.
  27. Seeming TOTALLY BURDENED by this relationship, constantly telling the other person how much EFFFORT it is to be together with them. Although this is usually an attempt to tell the person they love them so much that they’re ready to make all these sacrifices for them, the message is most likely lost with your partner.
  28. Making everything possible out to be a new chaos or drama. Irritating as fuck.
  29. Women being your hero (read: your mom). Something goes wrong or someone is “bullying” your boyfriend, you charge to their rescue as if they couldn’t handle their own lives.
  30. Being constantly on the edge about something. “Am I late, Oh god I’m late. I’m late aren’t I?” (Just get on with it, then, if you are!) “Something’s about to happen, isn’t it, something’s wrong, I know it, something is definitely not right…” You create a nervous athmosphere around you and you’re making everyone around you nervous.


Modified on March 12, 2017

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